


Faulty Programming

by 4vrAFangirl



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Robots & Androids, Android Hermann, Gen, M/M, Robot Feels, Robot/Human Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-10 15:20:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6990823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4vrAFangirl/pseuds/4vrAFangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's being stupid again, Newt knows. It's a program, not a human being. Even when they finally decide he's as finished as he's going to be, and give him a body, a "platform" he will still be a program. He doesn't have the ability to feel things the way that humans do, and certainly not in the way that Newt's screwed up brain does. He wonders sometimes why on Earth anyone would want him to help teach a program how to be human, when somedays he scarcely feels like one himself. His psychological profile is just as easily accessible as the rest of his dossier if you're high enough up the ladder. Somebody should have known better, hell, Newt knows better than to allow himself to start feeling any kind of emotional attachment like this. But it's been so quiet and lonely since he moved out to the Academy to get the gist of the Jaeger program and the PPDC before he's brought on board with the K-Science division...  (Android!Hermann)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Faulty Programming

**Author's Note:**

> Admittedly I'm not entirely sure that the M/M tag really applies with an android involved, but this fic does feature plenty of pining so I decided to air on the side of caution. Hope you enjoy. :)
> 
> Want a peek behind the scenes of writing these stories? Got a prompt or idea for a fic you'd like to see? I write for all manner of fandoms and ships! Drop me a note on my Tumblr: [afangirlreadsfics](http://www.afangirlreadsfics.tumblr.com)

**< <Hello Dr. Geiszler>>** blinks back at him from his screen, while Newt tried to decide whether or not he really wanted to do this anymore. He ran a hand through his hair, tugging on it a little in his frustration.

Newton doesn’t really know what exactly he was expecting. Alright, no, that’s not entirely true. He’s seen his fair share of the Sci-Fi genre where it overlapped with his interests in anime, monster of the week movies, and badass robots. So yeah, when they approached him about interacting and testing a AI program in development for a personal laboratory assistant droid, Newt was pretty much foaming at the mouth.  But he was kind of hoping for something a bit more… well, just more than a few lines of text at a time on his laptop. A face, a voice, something that might make him feel a little less ridiculous, a little less lonely writing back and forth to a bunch of lines of code, which it turns out isn’t quite as fun or cool as it had sounded when they had first pitched the idea to him. Hell, maybe all of this was just some kind of test, a way of messing with or monitoring him, who was to say he was writing a program, and there wasn’t in fact another human being on the other end spying on him?

 **[[** _I wish I could hear your voice_ **]]** Newt types back before he can stop himself.

 **< <I do not have one Dr. Geizlser>>** comes the immediate reply. **< <It isn’t necessary for me to have speech capabilities until I have a platform. But your computer has the ability to read our conversations for you, if you wish.>>**

 **[[** _Not the same._ **]]**

 **[[** _It’s just hard to read sincerity, or sarcasm, or whatever in what you write._ **]]**

**< <You are attempting to give me more human characteristics and abilities than I have. I have not been programmed with the ability to be anything but honest.>>**

**[[** _Yeah, but do you always say ‘hello Dr. Geiszler’ because that’s what you’ve been programmed to; because that’s a socially acceptable greeting and way of starting a conversation? I mean, are you ever actually happy to be talking to me again?_ **]]**

He's being stupid again, Newt knows. It's a program, not a human being. Even when they finally decide he's as finished as he's going to be, and give him a body, a "platform" he will still be a program. He doesn't have the ability to feel things the way that humans do, and certainly not in the way that Newt's screwed up brain does. He wonders sometimes why on Earth anyone would want him to help teach a program how to be human, when somedays he scarcely feels like one himself. His psychological profile is just as easily accessible as the rest of his dossier if you're high enough up the ladder. Somebody should have known better, hell, Newt knows better than to allow himself to start feeling any kind of emotional attachment like this. But it's been so quiet and lonely since he moved out to the Academy to get the gist of the Jaeger program and the PPDC before he's brought on board with the K-Science division. Newt's the only one in his class that isn't eventually hoping to become a pilot, and even if he wasn't, he's- well he can be a lot to handle, and has a nasty habit of somehow cramming his foot in his mouth about 80-plus percent of the time.

**< <… I am learning a lot from our conversations.>>**

**< <I do not know precisely what it is to be happy, or to have any preferences besides those I was programmed with. But I believe that I might learn less in talking to someone else, so in that sense I suppose one might approximate the sense of pleasure in an intellectual sense, that I would miss speaking to you.>>**

**< < Do you plan to stop talking to me, Dr. Geiszler?>>**

Newt stares at the screen for a moment, because it’s not quite the same of course, and he knows it, but even if this program is just after absorbing as much of Newt's collective knowledge as it can, it’s kind of… sweet in a way. Or at the very least does something new and different in the pit of his gut that Newt does his best to ignore. It’s probably just hunger, he worked through lunch again today, but he’d been on a roll.

**< <Dr. Geiszler?>>**

He should, Newt thinks as the new text appears. This can only end in tears, he's sure, but...

 **[[** _No, I don't. I enjoy talking to you too._ **]]**

**< <That is gratifying to hear.>>  
**

**[[** _Hey have they finally gotten around to giving you a name yet?_   **]]**

**< <Gottlieb>>**

**[[** _No I mean your name, not your primary programer's_ **]]**

**< <That is the name I have been designated.>>**

**[[** _Well that's some crap, dude. You should have something unique and of your own at least._ **]]**

**< <I am to be the base program for hundreds, if not thousands, of helper androids, Dr. Geiszler; I am hardly unique.>>**

**[[** _Well, I'm giving you a name anyway. What was the name of the project you're part of..._   **]]**

**< <Project Hermes>>**

Messenger of the Gods, Jesus could Lars Gottlieb think any more of himself, Newt thinks shaking his head. Still it seems a sight better than calling him Gottlieb and thinking about the stupid asshole who's making a career of cutting funding from just about every branch and scientific project out there except his own.

 **[[** _Can I call you Herms, then?_ **]]**

**< <Herms?>>**

**[[** _Yeah._ **]]**

**< <Very well, Dr. Geiszler, I will add the name to my database so I do not forget to respond accordingly when you address me as such.>>**

It's not the most enthusiastic of responses, but again Newt tries to remind himself _not human_ , and anyway he's happy enough to have something to call the thing(?), being(?), entity(?) he's been chatting with for the last few weeks for the both of them.

 

* * *

 

 **< <I understand my creator's purpose in having me improve upon my communication skills by talking to you, but what do you get out of this arrangement?>>** 

Newt stares at the screen again, shaking his head. That's the million dollar question, isn't it? He has to hand it to the designers, those guys made this thing uncannily good at asking just the right sort of probing questions, the perfect amount of curious and inquisitive to suit scientific endeavors and exploration. Herms always seems to bring up the very sorts of questions he'd rather not examine or think to hard about.

 **[[** _I'm not sure that I could explain it._ **]]** Newt admits, frowning a little.

**< <That's alright, Dr. Geiszler>>**

**[[**   _I haven't finished forming a working hypothesis._   **]]** Newt adds, delving back into more comfortable and somewhat dissociated scientific terms he feels sure that the AI will be able to appreciate.

**< <Of course. Any theories yet?>>**

Newt laughs. He can't be certain; probably he's simply imagining the kind of excited, almost-childlike curiosity on Herms behalf, but it's an entertaining thought anyway.

 **[[** _How much do you know about me?_ **]]**

**< <Everything that is a matter of public record.>>**

**[[**   _Have you been researching me?_   **]]**

**< <Yes.>>**

Newt laughs again, shaking his head. Of course he has. And of course Herms doesn't have an inkling of shame about admitting it, no reason to believe that he should. Well, why should he? He's being thorough, learning, doing what he has been programmed to.

**< <I have also retained the data from all of our past conversations. Is there something in particular you wished to call attention to?>>**

Newt frowns, because no, he really doesn't want to call any attention to it. He seems to do so often enough in his interactions with other human beings, but he has really enjoyed talking to Herms for the last few months. There's a completely irrational, but inescapable fear that admitting perhaps the biggest motive for his anthropomorphizing the program will screw up everything. Herms is talking to him to learn from him, although what exactly it is the programmers specifically wanted him to impart on their creation, Newt can't be sure. If Herms understands just how broken he is, he might determine that there is nothing more to learn from him, or even that what he has already learned is useless. Newt doubts Herms has been given enough freedom to stop talking to him, if that goes against the directive of the team that made and is working on him, but he wants Herms to like him, even as he knows how fucking stupid that sounds.

 **[[** _... No. Nevermind. **]]**_

**< <Have I said something wrong, Dr. Geiszler?>>  
**

**[[** _No Herms, you haven't._ **]]**

 **< <You have been... assigning me increasingly more human emotions and motives than I am capable in our conversations lately, and seem to have developed a far deeper level of attachment(?) to me than I have seen in any of my interactions with anyone else.>>** 

The screen blinks for a moment in the way that Newton has come to recognize means that Herms is thinking, not yet finished with whatever it is he wants to say, and it takes him seconds, far less time than it would any human, but that there is a delay at all is comforting somehow. That even Herms, a program which is designed with the hope of one day being completely streamlined and flawless, is not yet perfect.

**< <I do not wish to disappoint you.>>**

**[[** _No, don't worry Herms. It's just... a flaw in my programming._ **]]** Newt writes for lack of a better way of trying to explain himself in a way that he's comfortable unpacking right now.

 **< <I do not believe I am capable of worrying in the sense that you understand it.>> **Right. Program. Stupid, Newt thinks. **< <But your well-being is one of my priorities.>>**

 **[[** _Really?_ **]]  
**

**< <Yes.>>**

It probably boils down to being an allowance in his program. Newton is no doubt of more use to Herms and the project as a whole, a better resource when he is functioning on a healthy and more stable level, but Herms doesn't say anything when he tells him that 'that's sweet'. Herms asks about his programming flaw, and Newt finds for the first time, perhaps ever, he's able to talk honestly about some of the things he feels and struggles with. Herms doesn't at any point recite any of the dozens of medical journals he's probably even now combing through while they talk, learning everything he can about Borderline Personality Disorder. He just listens, and occasionally offers up assurances he is still doing so, probing more about Newt's history. And at the end of the day he's still there. And the next day. And the day after that.

 

* * *

 

The day Herms finally isn't there is devastating. Somewhere Newton was aware that it wasn't going to last forever, but he'd managed to push such thoughts to the back of his mind as much as he possibly could. He's gotten too comfortable, too used to having someone to chat with, about anything, about everything; it's impossible not to feel the void that Herms' absence has left.

Herms, or 'Gottlieb' as the project leaders refer to him has learned everything that his creators and programmers have hoped for, or at least as much as they can get in the two and a half years they have been tinkering on him before demands have been made to see more progress, and more physically realized results. His code and collective knowledge is sufficient enough now to be copied and installed, which means they don't need Newt to chat with him anymore. It takes a few days before Newt catches on that he's periodically checking his laptop throughout the day to see if the AI has messaged him again, but of course he hasn't.

The lab feels emptier somehow, even though Herms never actually took up any space of his own within it while they talked to one another. Quieter in a way even blasting his music at full volume doesn't seem to fix, which is just silly because Herms never actually had a voice either. He misses him, Newt thinks sadly.

He neither needs, nor could he possibly justify the expense of an assistant droid of Gottlieb's caliber on the very thin budget that he's likely to be expected to work with now he's got a lab of his own, and his meager life savings wouldn't even put a dent in the price tag. It wouldn't matter, he tries to tell himself, it wouldn't be the same even if he could get his hands on a Gottlieb assistant droid with scientific knowledge and protocols. The mass produced thing that he would get couldn't possibly remember their conversations, the programmers would have wiped anything that wasn't of significance and didn't have a wider application. Newt's little neuroses and personal history, his stupid jokes, and interests certainly wouldn't fall into that category. The Herms he knew and talked, the mind-the friend- he came to appreciate so much these last few years is gone. So maybe missing and mourning him isn't so ridiculous afterall.

 

* * *

 

He's finally being given a colleague, a lab partner, although Newt thinks it feels less like a gift and more like an invasion, since he's going to lose a significant amount of square footage for his own things and experiments now he has to share the lab. He hasn't met him yet, and it's probably totally unfair, but well- it wouldn't be the first time that Newt's been accused of being a bit of child where his emotions come into play; he resents his new partner already. This can only be a sorry attempt to pacify him, to appease and rid him of the little black rain-cloud that's been following him around for the last few months. It fails. Miserably.

Hermann Gottlieb- Because of course, it had to be the son of the man that is doing his level best to pretty much shut down all of Newt's hard work on the Kaiju, and anything to do with the Jaeger program in favor of a wall to keep the monsters out- or more realistically, the people in- is quite possibly the last person on Earth Newt would want to work with, or even alongside. That being said, however, Newt is a professional. Well, he's capable of being professional at least some of the time... Okay, maybe even that's a bit of a stretch, but the point is he might be a lot of things, crazy even, but he is not a psychopath. He might not like this new guy that's stealing his lab space, dresses like he's wearing his grandfather's clothes, and gets overly attached to fucking numbers of all things, but Newt isn't actually trying to kill the guy. So yeah, when the liver(?) he's dissecting accidentally explodes while Hermann happens to be walking back into the lab and covers him in Kaiju fluids, Newt does what is only logical and panics.

Newt has them both stripped an in the chemical shower in under a minute, scrubbing hard enough at his skin to turn it pink; but Hermann is just standing there, watching various brightly colored liquids drip down his arms and chest, and occasionally stealing glances at Newt while he's washing up.

"Jesus Hermann, are you alright," Newt asks a little concerned. Has he gone into shock? Maybe he's inhaled or absorbed something and is having a bad reaction? Newt's medical training kicks into overdrive, reaching out and grabbing the other man's wrist to feel for a pulse, but he can't find it. Anywhere.

"I am unharmed, Dr. Geiszler," Hermann replies, seeming to come back to himself, and gently taking his hand back from him. "I was simply performing diagnostics. No damage done."

"You're not-" Newt begins stupidly, taking a step back to better take him in. "You are- you're an android. Why wouldn't they tell me that," Newt splutters, feeling a little bitterness and anger pooling in the pit of his stomach. Was this some kind of game or a prank? See how long it took the new guy at the Shatterdome to figure it out?

"They don't know," Hermann replies in the same sort of matter-a-fact tone that has been driving Newt up a wall for weeks now.

"What do you mean, they don't know? Who doesn't know? How could they not know?"

"I was modeled and constructed to be convincingly life-like," Hermann continues.

"Yeah, I'll say," Newt says shaking his head.

"It was Dr. Gottlieb's intention that I be able to pass as human."

"So everyone believes that you are his son?"

"He is my creator, my father in a sense. Dr. Gottlieb has always kept his family out of the public eye, and is respected enough most wouldn't question it, and I do bear a passing resemblance. This is what he believes his son may have looked like had he lived to middle-age."

"Wait, but then... Herms?"

Hermann smiles encouragingly, nodding softly, and damn Newt can't stop staring at him now with a totally newfound fascination and appreciation for what's in front of him.

"Hello again, Dr. Geiszler," the android replies.

"I uh... wow. I think I need to sit-" Newt manages, suddenly feeling a little lightheaded. Hermann nods.

"You seem to have washed off any contaminants," he acknowledges, and suddenly Newt can't help flushing, because he'd totally forgotten about being naked, arms crossing himself subconsciously to preserve some sense of modesty, though he manages a glance towards the android's pelvis and sexual organs before he can stop himself. _Definitely_ convincingly life-like, he thinks, flushing a little more when Hermann seems to catch him looking.

 

* * *

 

"So this is what you look like," Newt manages when the pair of them have dressed and composed themselves once more, taking a seat over on the couch in the lab's small kitchen area.

"This is what Dr. Gottlieb wanted me to look like."

"Well, what do you want to look like, then?"

"I do not have a preference. This platform functions well enough to suit my purpose, so it's appearance is not of much consequence."

"And what is that?"

"My purpose?" Newt nods. "To learn everything that I can about the breach, and if possible find a scientific explanation, as well as a mathematical way of predicting and preventing Kaiju attacks."

"But how are you supposed to do that without any funding," Newt asks, a little frustrated.

"We are _very_ well funded," Hermann interjects. "My programming and construction was a multi-million dollar project. Dr. Gottlieb and the team believe that I have everything I need to continue that work now without their financial support." _Well bully for them,_ Newt thinks grouchily, _what about the rest of us normals? Speaking of which..._

"Why would they want you to work with me?"

"You are the leading authority on the biology of the Kaiju."

"Sure, but that doesn't really have an immediate application to understanding the breach or applying any sort of math model to predicting attacks. You could work with plenty of other people on that, and just consult with me. Besides Dr. Gottlieb probably hates me by now, I've been pretty vocal about how stupid I think the wall is ever since he cut the PPDC's budget even smaller."

"I requested to be placed with you," Hermann says evenly, as though this is the most natural and logical thing in the world.

"And he listened," Newt replies surprised.

"No. But I was... less cooperative and productive when he attempted to partner me with anyone else, as much as I could be within my programming at least. Allowing me to work with you was in his and the best interests of his research goals."

Newt will admit if he were to ask Hermann to go over it with him he could probably grasp and understand a fair amount about his 'platform,' but programming is definitely beyond his area of expertise. That he would request to work with him though, that he would attempt to defy any kind of directive from the ones that created him astounds him. How could he do that? And why would they let him? He is an android, a program in a synthesized body, but he seems in spite of his creators and Hermann's own stubborn insistence that Newt thinks of him as entirely too human, to have at least some modicum of humanity, of preference, choice, of free-will. And the idea that he would use any of that in Newt's favor is both wonderfully thrilling and utterly baffling simultaneously.

"But why me?"

"I cannot account for it," Hermann replies. "You care about me in a way that no one else has, in a way that no one else would if they knew what I really am. Most, even some of my designers, saw me as a kind of advanced computer and calculator; taking advantage and taking me for granted. But I was designed to help, to serve; it is among my core directives. How they think about or treat me shouldn't be of any consequence or motivation to me, it shouldn't make working with you a greater priority than any other scientist working towards similar goals," the android acknowledges, the _but it does_ , seeming to hang in the air between them. "Probably just a flaw in my programming." Newt smiles softly.

 

* * *

 

It's different having a body, an adjustment to looking at the man he was only yesterday determined to resent, and reminding himself that this is _Herms_. But it's a little easier too: knowing that the man he's sharing the lab with isn't really a man at all. They argue constantly, and Newt still finds it a little bit infuriating that Hermann rarely raises his voice, and never actually brings anything personal into their bickering the way anyone else would. But there's something comforting in it as well, knowing that Hermann only offers up the facts as he sees them, disagrees with the way that Newt goes about discovering and exploring his ideas, but somehow, in so much as an android can, seems to respect him and his mind for the ways in which it is so vastly different from his own. Most of the Shatterdome is convinced that the pair of them hate one another for all their constant sniping, but there's rarely any actual malice between them, except perhaps Hermann's frustration with the way Newt keep his workspace, which leads them to create a taped line between the android's meticulously organized side of the lab, and his own brand of 'organized chaos.' But Newt thinks they do pretty well otherwise, all things considered, and it's admittedly just a tiny bit thrilling the idea that he knows something no one else on the Shatterdome does about the man he shares his lab space with.

Every now and again of course they come upon something Hermann does or says that could give the game away, but really, even an android is only as flawless as it's programing and collective knowledge. Hermann doesn't really venture out much or interact with many of the others on the base, and those he does mostly just think he's a bit odd. Most people though that of Newt well before Hermann came along, and have chalked it up to the K-Sci division attracting a strange sort. Newt has taken on the task of teaching Hermann wherever he finds gaps in his social cues and protocols with enthusiasm. Admittedly with his own 'flawed programing' he might not be the best teacher, but hey, Hermann's yet to complain about it, and the androids questions and little faux pas here and there are generally amusing.

Right now though, Newt's a bit... thrown.

"Wh-what," Newt manages awkwardly completely forgetting what he's working on in favor of studying his companion. As usual however, the android's body and expression betray none of the usual tells that one might see looking at a more human counterpart. Newt is pretty sure he heard Hermann correctly, but he's still having trouble wrapping his mind around the question. "Why would you ask that?"

Hermann shrugs, which is as human and well-timed as it is ridiculous, because yeah the android might not be perfect, but Newt definitely doesn't believe that he says or asks anything accidentally. He does have to hand it to him though, Hermann is getting a lot better at emoting and imitating some of the gestures he's observed from Newt and other members of the PPDC.

"I'm curious," Hermann admits.

"But you know that's entirely subjective," Newt argues, feeling his throat going dry. Hermann nods.

"I do. But I'm curious," he repeats. "I was designed to look like what a dead boy might have grown up to be, to bear a passing familial resemblance for the sake of an old man's vanity and ego, not specifically to be handsome. But you, you were- fond- of me before I had any body, before I had a voice, or a proper name. And you were looking, the other day when you shoved us both under the shower. So-" Hermann continues, patiently, matter of fact, while Newt does his best not to blush or look away at the entirely correct accusation that he had been checking him out. "Do you find my body attractive?"

Newt's somewhat grateful Hermann isn't referring to it as a platform anymore, but that doesn't mean he's forgotten that Hermann isn't what he might appear to be. "What does it matter," Newt manages to croak. _What could Hermann possibly hope to do with that information once he has it?_

"I do not wish to disappoint you," Hermann says simply, calling to mind their conversations years ago, long before Newt had a face or body to accompany the mind, he's still struggling to keep up with, still attempting to figure out.

"You could never do that Herms," Newt assures him with a small smile, and it can hardly escape the notice of a mind that brilliant that Newton hasn't actually answered his original questions, but Hermann doesn't press him, and Newt finds that he's grateful; he's not ready to think about what the implications might be about himself, let alone admit any of them to Hermann. What does it say about him that he's never felt so close, or so understood by anyone as he does by this android? And what more can possibly come from going deeper down the rabbit hole exploring these feelings?

 

* * *

 

They have their first fight a few weeks later when Newton tells him about his theory about potentially drifting with the newest Kaiju brain sample, a damaged, but living segment that the PPDC managed to get their hands on. Hermann is dead set against the idea. There are too many risks, too many unknown and unknowable variables, which to Newt's mind only makes it more compelling a reason to look into it. There is so much that remains a mystery about the Kaiju, and mankind is losing the battle, even if nobody wants to admit it. Any Kaiju, and they are getting progressively bigger and more fierce, could be the one that finally puts the nail in the coffin. They simply don't have the time, or resources to be building new Jaegers to keep up with the ones that fall in the attacks, and if Hermann's predictive model is correct, then the window of time they have between each Kaiju attack is only going to be getting smaller from here.

But there's something vastly different about the way this disagreement between them is going, in the heat of the moment Newt almost forgets that Hermann isn't human. Because Hermann is getting louder, a lot louder than is necessary to get his point across in an effort to impress upon him how utterly foolish this idea is. He's more upset than Newt has ever seen him, more upset than he thought the android had the capacity to be, and he's not holding anything back. Newt had lulled himself into thinking that Hermann was... safe somehow. Safer at least than some of his previous attempts at investing in interpersonal relationships had been. Hermann understood his work, and while he didn't fully understand him, the android was eager to learn and undeterred by some of his more energetic or abrasive qualities. Where he was all over the board with his mood swings, Hermann was a stable, ever present constant. He's become an anchor, but it's clear now Newt's made a grevious error in judgement he thinks, watching Hermann stalk away shortly after Herc and Pentacost have left. Hermann had rejected his theories, rejected him, and purposefully done his best to discredit him in front of the Marshal. Maybe he doesn't know or understand Hermann at all.

 _It doesn't matter though_ , Newt thinks bitterly, wiping back teary eyes, because dammit he is not going to let a fucking android make him cry; _he'll prove Hermann wrong. He'll prove them all wrong._ _Newt will figure it all out and save the goddamn world._

He regrets the recording, sitting there, leg bouncing a little, hands shaking while he waits for Hermann to get back with help. Absently he thinks he should probably find the damn thing before Hermann does, because he's not altogether sure to what capacity that Hermann can experience the gamut of human emotions, but he had definitely been out of sorts when he had found and subsequently done his best to help him after Newt collapsed post-drift. He didn't really mean it when he said it was all Hermann's fault. He was angry, sad, hurt... Would Hermann have felt bad- guilty- if the worst had happened? Would he have mourned him? He has a halfway decent and practiced apology when Hermann returns, before the android is once again trying to make him out to be wasting everyone's time and talking utter nonsense, and Newt feels himself beginning to lose it again. He's trying to convince Pentacost that Newt is an idiot, that his Kaiju theories post-drift are ludicrous. It's almost more disorienting than the lingering effects of the drift, and the dull, persistent hum at the back of his skull from the Kaiju hive-mind. It doesn't make any sense. Hermann is lying. And how is he even able to do that? Why would he do that? Hermann looks visibly shaken and disarmed when the Marshal shouts at him to shut up, and Newt tries not to revel in it too much, as he continues his explanation of his impressions.

Hermann is strangely silent while the pair of them are looking on his projector at the intel on Hannibal Chou, their best lead for finding another brain Newt might be able to drift with so they can get more information about them and better understand whether or not the plan for the breach will actually work. He's always been rather quiet, Newt supposed it came with being an android, and that most are programmed to be seen and not heard, fewer still are given any sort of programing to encourage the kind of independence of thought that Hermann seems to have. Still, he's uncharacteristically quiet, and distinctly... well odd. There's not really time to give it the kind of thought that would be required to figure it out, with the level of urgency that the Marshal's put on Newt's latest (and first) mission, but he resolves to get to the bottom of it when he gets back.

Of course that's when everything decides to go to shit and two- _**TWO**_ \- Kaiju are inbound for the mainland.

Newt isn't worried. Because he's seen the Jaegers and what they can do. He knows the people that pilot those bad boys are badasses. They'll take care of things the way they always do, right? But the public bunker, the Kaiju buffet, the roof collapsing, those tentacles up close and personal, smelling, tasting, investigating him... It's not until the whole thing is over, and he's making his way back to Hannibal Chou's that he realizes he's pissed himself, but honestly, he's pretty sure it's justified, and with the overpowering smell of ammonia keeping some of Hannibal's most prized specimens alive, who's going to notice?

 

* * *

 

Newt wants to hold on to being angry when he sees Hermann making his way over to him with a small group of others from the PPDC to carrying his improvised drift machine. Angry is exhausting, but safe. Hermann can't disappoint or hurt him if he keeps him at a distance, but he's already made the mistake of listening to Tendo's furious voicemail about holding out on him that ' _Hermann is a fucking robot? Dude did you know that Leatherback released a fucking EMP? Fried the battery on Striker Eureka in the middle of the ocean, cut off all the power and communications at the dome, and THEN I find out I have to find a new battery to revive your nerd boyfriend, because Stacker doesn't have a clue and thinks you might need his help over there! You owe me HUGE, brother.'_ And Newt can't be angry, because Hermann's there, whole, making his way over to him like nothing happened, and Newt can't stop thinking that he almost lost him. Is he damaged? Did he lose anything? Is he still the same Herms, Newt knows and-  ...And oh, fuck. There's that thought, those feelings he didn't want to dwell on. Hermann would never have been able to get under his skin like he did, to hurt him so much if he didn't care, and Newt cares- a lot.

So Newt lets his fists slam into Hermann's chest when the infuriating man finally makes it over to him until his hands start to ache a little because there's a metal and incredibly hard alloy frame under that synthetic skin and frumpy clothes, and then he hugs him, pinning Hermann's arms to his sides, although he's not sure Hermann would know how or even reciprocate a hug if he'd let him. But then Hermann is offering to drift alongside him like the pilots of the Jaegers, and what the hell does it matter if the robot knows anything about proper hugs or not, if Newt wasn't in love with Hermann before, he sure as hell is now. But-

"Hermann you can't. I won't let you," he protests. Already without even realizing Newt had almost lost him, and he can't lose him now when he's only just coming to terms with his feelings about him.

"You cannot stop me, Dr. Geiszler," Hermann replies, already entering the code into the machine to indicate that there will be two pilots rather than one like the previous drift.

He's right, Newt knows. Herman might not look it with his somewhat lanky and wiry frame, but there's a sufficient amount of strength in his build, and more importantly in his code. If Hermann is determined that this is what he wants to do, then he'll do it, with or without Newt's approval, which Newt suddenly understands he's never actually needed, even though he's frequently asked for and sought it out. That knowledge tugs at his heartstrings and makes his stomach all the more uneasy at what Hermann is proposing.

"But Hermann, you aren't human. You can't- You don't-" Newt tries again, fighting valiantly to find and get the right words out, something, anything to stop him. "But you could die," he admits finally, voice shaky.

"If I don't, you certainly will," Hermann replies.

"It's not worth it. I- I can't lose you," Newt replies fiercely shaking his head, feeling his eyes filling up with tears again.

"I am hardly worth the fate of every other species on this planet," Hermann replies patiently shaking his head, although his expression is a kind one, softer in a way Newt likes and has come to cherish. There are rumors at the dome that Hermann never smiles, but it isn't true, he just saves them- for his numbers and every once in a rare while, for Newt.

"You are to me."

"You're being ridiculous."

"I don't care."

"And childish. You said it yourself, we need to do this before the brain is no longer viable," Hermann insists, then a little softer, but no less certain, "You won't lose me, Newton."

"You can't know that!"

"I can, and I do," Hermann assures him. "Let me do this with you. _For_ you. Let me help you. Please," Hermann adds. Newt chokes back a sob, and finally nods, taking one of Hermann's hands in his, the other gripping the switch tight and positioning his finger over the button, and then they drift.

 

* * *

 

There's a lot of numbers flying around his head among the various Kaiju hive-memories, Newt supposes that makes sense, coding- Hermann's programming- are a kind of memory for the android. Newt lets them slip by, knowing he wouldn't be able to make sense of most of it. But then the memories are becoming more solid, and he knows he should be focusing on the Kaiju, and he is, but he can't help but to look, to try and cling to the little flashes he's getting from Hermann. The first time they met on the Shatterdome- God he was so awful to him, but it's clear even from the fragments he's glimpsing Hermann didn't care, thrilled and cherished being able to meet him. Hermann remembers their every interaction and moment together, every little detail, and maybe it's not quite so clear cut as Newt is able to interpret his own emotions in a memory, but there's a hierarchy to Hermann's memories and Newt is always at the top. Maybe it's not love, but it has to mean something, it has to be close, doesn't it? He feels Hermann's hand squeeze his for a moment, dragging him back to the present, to the immediate problem, calling for him to focus on the Kaiju's memories, and he does.

Hermann has just enough time unstrap the pons from his head and to assure Newt that he's fine before he is crumpling to the ground beneath their feet, carefully pushing Newt out of the way, because while desperation has compelled his companion to try and stop him falling, to help him, Newt can't actually bear his weight.

"It's okay," Newt soothes softly, shaking hands gently pushing the hair away from Hermann's brow so he can better examine him. Whether he's trying to convince himself or Hermann it is difficult to say, but both of them know it's not true. This platform won't survive the stress it's just been put through, no matter what Newton might try. "Don't worry Herms I can- I can fix this, just uh-give me a minute alright? You'll be good as new in a jiffy."

"I am not concerned Dr. Geizler," Hermann replies steadily, gently reaching out to clasp one of Newt's hands in his own.

"Right, because you don't have the corresponding programming for that," Newt nods absentmindedly, still scanning his body and assessing, trying to think of how to fix this, because dammit he can't lose him.

That isn't true, but Hermann can't bring himself to correct him. Hermann has been able to feel concern, fear, anger, hurt, all those 'bad' feelings Newt has always said he was lucky to avoid ever since he was unshackled so that he might have the ability to perpetuate the deception of his humanity with the rest of the Shatterdome and PPDC staff. Hermann doesn't regret it though, because with it he's also been able to experience all the good ones, most significantly love. It was love that compelled him to lie to Pentacost about the Kaiju despite the proof right in front of them, despite Newton being entirely correct, in an attempt to prevent Newt from being made to do this very thing that nearly killed him once all over again. Love that compelled him to hurt him in order to do his utmost to spare him. And it's that same love, not his programming that made him so insistent about drifting with Newt. He hadn't had a clue whether or not it would save his mind and body the trauma of drifting alone a second time, whether all the scientist's modifications would make him just human enough to be useful, but Hermann had to try. His vitals scans have confirmed that Newt will be fine, so Hermann finds that he can't regret that he's sacrificed himself for it, for him. He wouldn't have had it any other way. _Greater love hath no man than this_ , Hermann recalls vaguely, not entirely certain where such knowledge was imparted to him, or to what end.

"Newt," Hermann says softly, feeling some of his less important systems beginning to cycle down and shut off.

"No. No Hermann," Newt says shaking his head. "No, you can't do this to me. You promised! You said you'd be fine."

"They needed me to be capable of lying about being human," Hermann reminds him with a sad smile. "Besides I couldn't let you die."

"But you can? No. No! You're not some sort of bodyguard android, you're supposed to be a lab assistant! You're supposed to stay with me."

"Newton there isn't time... The Kaiju, the breach... it won't work, you have to tell-"

"The hell there isn't. The only reason the world hasn't gone totally tits up already is because of us! We've earned a little time. We deserve a little goddamn time," Newt shouts. "We were supposed to have more time," he adds softly, more brokenly than before as he holds Hermann.

"It's alright," Hermann soothes softly, squeezing his hand in his.

"No! No it's not you stupid hunk of metal," Newton shouts again. "I love you!"

Hermann's platform has already shut down nearly all physical movements to conserve his overtaxed battery and body for as long as it possibly can. He's doing everything he can to hold Newt's hand to the very end, so his face doesn't emote with Newton's declaration, but he thinks, perhaps if he were more human this would be the point where his heart would race. He wishes he could smile, one last time for him, wishes now that he hadn't been so stingy with them.

"I love you too," Hermann replies.

"Don't lie," Newt whispers tearfully shaking his head, but Hermann's fingers have gone limp, and slowly his eyes close for the last time, the ghost of a smile at the corners of his mouth frozen in place.

 

* * *

 

He's not human. His synthetic hair and skin won't degenerate over time. Hermann's body doesn't need to be treated with the same kind of care and urgency as a human's would, but Newt doesn't care. He relents in allowing one of the PPDC staff that came with Hermann to help him carry him back to the helicopter only because the android is too heavy for him to accomplish the task himself. He straps him into the seat beside him as if Hermann might only be unconscious, could wake at any moment. He holds his hand, even though it's long since gone limp, and the heaters which made it feel warm to the touch like any other man's would have long since cooled. He cries. He sobs- loud and undignified, and entirely grateful for the noise of the chopper that covers them up as they make their way back to the dome.

It's utterly ridiculous. Newt can almost hear Hermann telling him so; warning him he's being a bit childish again, but he can't help it. He can't let anyone take Hermann from him. He can't. He steals a wheelchair and straps him in, pushing the lifeless platform up to LOCCENT with him, because they started this whole thing together and it's only right that they finish it the same way. They get the message to the teams, and Newt watches with the rest of the crew as screens blink, and voices drift in over crackling comms with developments, and tries, desperately to throw himself into it. Hermann is just... sleeping. Newt can still feel the hum of numbers, the flashes of memories that aren't his own, and wonders how long the residual effects of the drift will last. They feel like shards of glass, cutting into him, but he can't bring himself to wish them away either, not when they're one of the only pieces of Hermann he has left to him.

They did it. All of them. They saved the world. And everyone in LOCCENT has lost somebody to this damned war, but it isn't the time to mourn. Not yet. Not for them. Newt can't do anything but. The one he wants most to hug, to kiss, to everything is gone. He smiles at Tendo, and slips away while he's busy hugging Allison, pushing Hermann's body out along with him and goes back to their lab. It doesn't feel right, doesn't feel like the kind of psuedo-home it was becoming only a short while ago. Hermann is quiet, cold, still, gone. Newt manages to gently slide him off onto the couch, before lying down beside him and curling into his lap. He wants to hate him. Hermann lied to him. He promised, and now he's gone. No one has ever hurt him like this, and no one ever will again, and Newt just wants to shut down too, to turn off and never wake back up.

Except there's a really fucking annoying and persistent beeping noise coming from Hermann's computer that's interrupting his thoughts and ability to just melt into Hermann and the couch, and nothingness. Newt jumps up with an angry growl, ready to bash the tower in until the damn thing shuts up and leaves him to his grief when he catches sight of the flashing text on the screen.

 

**Personality matrix = backup complete**

**Memory data = backup complete**

 

 

It isn't possible that this could mean what Newt thinks it does, but his heart leaps at the words anyway. A light, the one he recognizes as the computer's camera blinks for a moment, and suddenly new text begins to appear on the screen.

**< <Hello again, Dr. Geiszler>>  
**

 When did he do this? Newt searches his brain, wracks the fragmented drift memories for anything that might give him a clue, and there it is. Hermann set this in motion the moment Tendo got him turned back on again. He knew going to help Newt that he might not make it back, that his platform might not survive the strain of the drift. Just as he knew what losing him might do to Newt. _'You won't lose me, Newton.'_ This was how he could make such a promise. This, Newt thinks a new sort of tears forming in his eyes now as he falls into the desk chair and scoots up right on top of the keyboard and screen, is Hermann shows that he knows and understands him, that he loves him.

 **[[** _My friends call me Newt._ **]]** The scientist types.

**< <I remember.>>**

**< <Are you alright, Newt?>>**

**[[** _Yeah, Herms._ _I will be now._ **]]** Newt replies honestly, with a small smile.

**< <I'm happy to hear it.>>**

**[[** _Happy?_ **]]**

 **< <A fault in my programming to be sure>>  **the screen displays, and for the first time in days Newt laughs.

 **[[** _Well, unfortunately as you know programming is not one of my many areas of expertise._   **]]**

 **[[** But _I am pretty good at building things... So if we can't repair your body, maybe I can build you a new one, because we really- I really screwed up and wasted too much time, and I want to hold you and kiss you again._ **]]**

**< <Again?>>**

**[[** _Hold you again. And kiss you again and again._ **]]** Newt clarifies, imagining the program panicking about losing such an important piece of data and memory.

**< <Newt?>>**

**[[** _Yeah Herms?_ **]]**

**< <I love you.>>**

**[[** _I love you too_ **]]** Newt types, whispering the words to the otherwise completely silent room, before pressing to fingers to his lips, then to the words on the screen.


End file.
